I am No One. I am not the one you think of in these moments of joy and pain. I am not the one who you think to share your funny story of the day. I am No One. As I write this, I am sure you will immediately jump to defense that this is not true, how can it be because I am loved. I know I am loved, never did I say I wasn’t. But the truth of the matter is, I am nobody’s somebody. That is the truth. How did this become? It is a harrowing feeling to live with.
Once I was Someone, but now I am not…an afterthought as you move down the list. I do not seek pity from reality, I am just expressing what is. Sad really, because I have great ears if you need someone to just listen. I can give an opinion without judgement if that is what you need. I laugh…I love to laugh. I love…it’s one of the greatest gifts one can give. I have lived out many adventures throughout the world have many stories to share. I am a dreamer, an expressionist, a communicator and an explorer, but I am not Someone.
I sit surrounded by these grey walls as No One as the beauty I once saw in this wondrous life is growing bleak. Certainly living like this I will not become Someone anytime soon. The quandary it is how to break this cycle. I cry, but I am told not to. I express my feelings of loneliness, but I am told to just be happy. I am not understood, but I suppose I never really have been throughout my life. A lonely way to live.
A thought came to me the other day; Would people notice if I disappeared? The honest answer would be, that it would take several days, perhaps a week or two before anyone realized. Before you jump to think I am crazy, step back and look at your life. When would someone notice if you stepped off the grid? For anyone who knows me, think of what I am to you, because I am certainly not your Someone. That is okay, it’s not a guilt trip or anything said to make you feel bad. I just speak the truth.
I am loved. I have family who cares. I have friends I enjoy sharing my time and doing things with. I have fun. I care passionately for my family and call as much as I can, fore there are many of them and only one of me so covering them all every day is impossible. But I pick up the phone once a day to call someone in my family, because they are my Someone. I pick up the phone once a day to call a friend because they are Someone too. But me…I am No One and that’s the simple truth.